Wow.***ADDENDUM***
I just sessioned and started reading "The Tao of Physics" in front of the
fireplace, reading about quantum relativistic interactions. I put my book
down, and had the Depeche Mode "Black Celebration" album playing, and
meditated in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames. When I
closed them, I could see everything... I could shift up to the city, the
planet, the galaxy, clusters, superclusters, the whole shebang, then back
down to the molecular (especially dna), atomic, subatomic. All I saw was
chaos, but patterns in the chaos... everything chasing itself around.
Strange attractors everywhere, always beautiful patterns of light. From
the music to the fire to the universe to the subatomic particle, the great
dance of shiva, light patterns coaleseing, fading. I saw my pattern
fractally repeated throughout the universe... chasing it's tail
everywhere. I am functionally complete and cohesive without external
interaction, in that all external interactions are with myself.
Now that I've had a couple of weeks to digest this event, here's a lisingback to main
in it's entirety:
For some reason I knew that I couln't go to Aikido nor socialize after
work on Tuesday night (Dec 1). I came home and put Ride in the cd player
and looked through my telescope at the nearly full moon. After I did that
for a while, I sessioned and put in Depeche Mode "Black Celebration" in. I
lit the fireplace and started to read "The Tao of Physics" by Fritjof
Capra. I couln't do so for very long... my mind was blazing with ideas and
I couldn't focus on the page.
I suddenly turned off all the lights and sat in seiza in front of the
fireplace, first staring into the flames, then closing my eyes. Suddenly,
the universe began to unravel around me. I've been trying to deal with the
idea of humanity as a chaotic system and I suddenly saw everything in
terms of fractilline systems. When I say everything, it first started as
the subatomic systems that made up the matter around and within me...
quark assymetries, hadron interactions, everything... I saw the heisenberg
uncertainty principle unfold with the electron boundaries defined by the
strange attractors found within fractal models. Probability wavefronts
collapsing chaotically under scrutiny... Everything began to shift up in
scale to human behavior... our whole society was interacting in a pattern
consistant with chaotic behaviour. Strange attractors were abounding! This
is what some mistakenly called "fate"... people, or groups of people were
consistantly seeking the same pattern of social interaction unconsiously.
We constantly saught love, hate, birth, death, everything as a strange
attractor. Next came galaxies, clusters, superclusters, the strange uneven
pattern of background radiation found recently by the hubble, superstring
interactions, everything.
Next I saw my own personality again as a fractilline pattern of light
where every node contained the whole model. I saw my personality reflected
in itself all the way down to the subatomic level and again all the way up
to the supergalactic. My pattern was everywhere. I both contained and was
contained by everything in the universe. Again and again on every macro
and microscopic level my personality pattern was there, and it was a
bright loosely defined fractal snake, chasing it's own tail... looking for
some external pattern to complete itself not knowing that it was already
complete. That was my strange attractor.
Next came the music... "Stripped" became a photonic lattice, also
containing my personality. The infrared radiation coming from the
fireplace, too... everything on every level contained every bit of
information in existance.
The vision gradually faded and I went to bed exhausted. I couldn't sleep
though... every 5 minutes or so, I would return to this state and felt
like I was thinking every thought I had ever had in paralell, all at once.
This continued 3 or 4 times, getting progressively worse until suddenly
stopping... I finally slept.
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